


Can We Just Talk

by writworm42



Series: How Brooke Lynn Got her Wings [2]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Communication, Established Relationship, Feels, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Relationship Advice, Virginity, but it's what the story centres around, well not in this part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 14:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18523162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writworm42/pseuds/writworm42
Summary: Brooke finally screws up the courage to tell Vanessa her secret.





	Can We Just Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Talk by Khalid
> 
> TW For a brief alcohol mention

“So are you gonna make a move, or what?”

Brooke regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth; Vanessa’s eyes snapped up to look at her, her mouth open in shock. Brooke felt her face grow hot, and was sure she was about as red as the game pieces on the board between them.

“I meant in the game,” she mumbled, looking down.

“Oh.” Vanessa nodded in understanding, but if Brooke wasn’t mistaken, something in her eyes seemed to darken, almost like she was disappointed.

They were sitting together in Vanessa’s room, a bag of chips and two beers laying almost empty beside them as they sat absorbed in a game of travel-sized Connect-4. It wouldn’t have been either of their game of choice, but it was what was available at the convenience store where Shuga and Nina had taken Brooke that afternoon, so it was what she had suggested they do when Vanessa had come over that night.

 _Do some kind of activity other than a movie first_ , Nina had advised, _Get really comfortable, have something else to focus on to take your mind off of things and something to fall back on if you chicken out._

Brooke had tried about five times now to get herself to bring up the elephant in the room, but somehow, even with the beer and about three wins loosening her up, the words always seemed to get caught in her throat.

 _Just be honest with her. That’s the best way, girl. Can’t nobody call you out on shit you’re being honest about._ Shuga’s words rang in Brooke’s ears. God, what she wouldn’t give to actually listen instead of just replaying the advice over and over in her head, still stuck at the starting line.

“Fuck this, I give up.” Vanessa huffed, turning away from the board. Brooke felt like she’d been kicked in the chest. Did Vanessa just mean in the game, or--

Vanessa looked back at her, and Brooke realized with a start that she’d spoken out loud.

“I mean, since you’re bringing it up…” Vanessa sighed and moved the pieces aside, leaving nothing but empty space between the two of them. “What’s going on with you, Brooke?”

“What do you mean?” Brooke knew exactly what Vanessa meant, but something inside her was still hoping that she could put it off.

But, of course, Shuga had been right, and Vanessa called her bluff immediately.

“You know what I’m saying.” she scolded with a roll of her eyes. “It’s like every time I try to touch you lately, you pull back. A’keria told me you wouldn’t even look at her this morning. What’s wrong?”

 _Just be honest. Just be honest._ this time, it was Brooke’s voice, not Shuga’s that rang in her head.

 _It’s just Vanjie. If you can trust her enough to call her your boyfriend, you can trust her enough with this. You know her. You_ know _her._

_You can do this._

She gave a shaky exhale and returned Vanessa’s intent gaze. “It’s… It’s not you. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, so that’s what’s happening? You tryna break up, is that what this is?” Vanessa’s voice was hard, but Brooke could see the fear and hurt in her eyes. Nonetheless, the words were like a slap in the face.

“No!” Brooke protested, “That’s not…” she let out a sigh and closed her eyes, obscuring her view of anything but little spots of  green and purple light dancing in front of her closed eyelids. All she could hear in that moment was the blood pounding in her ears, and all she could feel was her chest getting tighter by the minute.

_Just stop for a minute. Just breathe._

_No matter what happens, we got you._

_Just use your plainest words. Turn that brain off and just go by instinct._

When Brooke opened her eyes again, she finally felt ready. 

"It's not that, I promise." A different kind of buzz reverberating through her chest, one that made her feel suddenly excited, maybe even invincible.

“Well then, what is it?” Vanessa frowned.

“It’s… Okay. Lately, things have been really heated between us. Like, we’re taking it up a notch. And that’s cool, I love it, except…”

_Come on, don’t chicken out now._

“… Except it’s kind of freaking me out because I’m still a virgin.” The minute the words were out, Brooke felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest.

Vanessa, for her part, looked like she’d just been told that the sky had actually been purple this whole time. Brooke's adrenaline-fueled mood faltered, and she began to chew her lip nervously. Now was the real test—it was all about how Vanessa would react, how long it would take her face to relax, what she would say to follow up Brooke’s confession.

Unfortunately, Vanessa was never one for subtlety.

“But… you _do_ know how it all works, right? All up in the bootyhole and everything?”

“Oh my God.” Brooke put her head in her hands. “Yes. Fuck. Yes, I know how everything works. Can you take this seriously, please?”

“I am! I was just checking, you never know with some bitches!” the words were no consolation to Brooke, who at the moment didn’t want to be ‘some bitch.’ Vanessa must have realized from her face that she’d said something wrong, though, because she moved closer, her voice soft as she added, “I promise, boo, I’m taking it very serious."

They sat there for a moment more, both of them shifting uncomfortably, before Vanessa hesitantly attempted a question. “So… You really never had sex before? No one even touched you there before?":

Brooke shook her head. “Nope. No one. Actually, before you, I’d never done anything at all.”

“What?” Vanessa’s eyebrows jumped up, her voice forceful and thick with surprise, “What you mean, nothing? Not even kisses or anything?” she whistled. “Damn, girl, then you a natural at everything, 'cause I never would've guessed.”

Brooke laughed a little despite herself. “That’s good. I’m glad.”

“So that’s why you was moving away all the time?”

Brooke nodded again. “The whole concept kind of scared me, honestly. I was afraid you’d laugh at me.”

“Oh, baby, no! I’d never do that.” Vanessa moved forward, closing the distance between them as she wrapped Brooke in a tight hug. “Nothing wrong with bein’ a late bloomer.”

They stayed there for a moment, Brooke content to stay in Vanessa’s arms, before a sudden rush of courage blew through her.

_Don’t overthink it, honey. You’ll know when the time is right._

Smiling to herself, Brooke pushed Vanessa just far away enough so that she could look right in her face.

“You know… I’m not particularly attached to my virginity any more, if you know what I mean.” she winked.

Apparently Vanessa did, because it was her turn to push Brooke away a little more, a look of pure shock on her face.

“You sure you’re ready?” Vanessa frowned cautiously, and Brooke felt a sudden rush of affection for her. In the past, she’d had plenty of opportunity to date—plenty of guys tried to make moves, tried to pick her up and take her home, and more than one friend had made her a Grindr profile against her will. But she’d rejected all of those attempts.

 _I’m waiting for the right guy at the right time_ , she would retort again and again, so many times that it felt second-nature. Her career had been a convenient excuse; for a while, it was the truth. But as she grew older, she had begun to realize that it wasn’t just a practical thing, being on her own. Truth be told, it was just plain easier. You couldn’t get hurt if there was no one to hurt you. You couldn’t get left behind if there was no one stepping out the door. But then Vanessa came in and knocked the walls Brooke had built up straight to the ground.

It was funny; when most queens found out about Brooke and Vanessa, they all said it made a lot of sense, based on their personalities. _Like yin and yang_ , many of them mused, _you balance each other out_. And that was true—where Brooke was quiet, cautious, and composed, Vanessa was a loud, effervescent whirlwind, bulldozing out space for herself where Brooke dug with a trowel. And where Vanessa hit a wall and couldn't figure her way around or through, Brooke saw a puzzle and challenge, one that could be teased apart brick by brick. But at the end of the day, that wasn’t really what made Brooke fall for Vanessa, what made her know that she was the one. It was the quiet, sage Vanessa, the one who calmed Brooke down and told her to twenty-five, if not thirty. It was the Vanessa who was just as anxious, just as overworked, but still made time to comfort Brooke when they both thought they might be lip-syncing. It was the Vanessa who put up with all her little idiosyncrasies, always had a kind word and a gentle smile for Brooke even when the world felt like it was falling apart. It was the honest, real Vanessa who acted the same way with Brooke as she did with everyone, who told the truth and apologized for the times she was wrong.

It was that Vanessa that she was holding now, and it was that Vanessa that made her feel sure of herself, not just in this moment but throughout their entire time together.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m ready.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed!! See you in the next part, where things are gonna heat up a little, this time from Vanjie's perspective ;) ;) 
> 
> P.s. to those celebrating, happy Good Friday!


End file.
